Life in My Dad's Eyes

Its calving season on the Neely farm and things aren’t starting out so hot – we have already lost two of my brother’s AI calves (and I wasn’t about to be the one to tell Clem). This didn’t make for a very happy papa but the thing about my dad – it may have been 10 degrees and freezing drizzle outside, he might be running on 3 to 4 hours of sleep, and the calf may have never made it no matter what –but he always takes the blame for the calf not making it.

Lesson 1: Never blame anyone or anything else – if you have the power to make a difference and you don’t take action that is worse than making a failed attempt.

 

So gates have not always been my best friend. I have managed to pull one back into my face and gave myself two black eyes. The other day when trying to move a cow calf pair through the barn, I got my arm stuck between two gates. And the list goes on. Every time an incident like these occur I get told: “You got to be smarter than the gate.”  For as sarcastic and blatantly obvious that statement may seem; it’s true.

If I would have thought through it and pushed on the stuck gate and instead of pulling it towards me; it wouldn’t have been able to “whack” me in the face.  If I would have only been moving one gate at a time instead of juggling opening and shutting 3 gates at the same time my arm would have never got stuck.

Lesson 2: Think before acting – this doesn’t just apply to gates but to life in general. How will "this" action affect the people around me and/or myself?

In high school my life was consumed by horses and barrel racing. There were very few days I would not be found riding a horse.  Just like any sport and any athlete there were the days I would come out on top and days when I would have bruises up and down my shins from hitting barrels. Those days when I would win – my dad was always there to make sure I stayed level headed – same goes for on the days things didn’t go as planned.

Lesson 3: Humbleness – We might be having the best day ever, but the person next to us might not be so fortunate - we have to keep them in mind when it comes to our actions and words of how great our day has been.

 Through the ups and downs, twists and turns, I know the one person who I can always count on for some good life advice.

The Stoplight

"Sorry I was late, got stuck at a stoplight." How many of us have used that as an excuse for being late? Or maybe we got stuck behind the person who actually drives the speed limit. Why does it always happen to me?!? If only that light would have stayed green for 3 more seconds or that person would drive 3 miles over the speed limit it would be much more convenient for us, or would it?

It is not unusual to see many students get pulled over driving through campus, more than likely, for speeding. There are many days where I have to speed check myself because sometimes 20 miles per hour does not seem fast enough when running a little behind.

Then there are those days when the world’s slowest driver is in front of me and I mumble and grumble to myself because it is such an inconvenience for me, till I see that hidden cop car waiting to catch an impatient speeding driver heading home from class. That slow driver has saved me several times and ended up being a convenience after all.

Those speeding days were put into perspective one early morning on the way to a greenhand conference. Fellow teammate Chelsey, former National President Ryan Best and I were in the car at 7 in the morning driving down the foggy highway. Chelsey is driving my beloved trailblazer, I am in the front passenger seat singing Cruise, and Ryan was in the back.






Ryan, Chelsey, and I at the Greenhand Conference

I look down for one second and Chelsey slams on the brakes and screams, “OH MY GOSH!!!” I look up to see two vehicles spinning and glass flying right in front of us. Chelsey pulls off to the shoulder, tells me to call 911 and takes off in her official dress and black heels to check on people. By the time I get to my phone another witness was already on the phone. All the victims were a little shaken up, but okay.

The one thing I forgot to mention, I was running late that morning to pick up Chelsey and Ryan. I was getting stopped by what seemed like every red light in Manhattan. Looking back, that last stoplight might have saved us from being in that wreck. A few seconds and we would have been the ones getting hit. All of suddenly that stoplight became a lot more convenient.

There are going to be many so called, “inconveniences” in our lives, but we never know when that inconvenience just might save us from a ticket or being in an early morning car collision that would make for an awful day. Instead of saying that stoplight made me late, one day you could be saying, “it saved my life.”

 For me, that stoplight is no longer an inconvenience.

Without the Soundtrack

Without the Soundtrack

The music swells, the weather experiences a sudden change, and they start to run.  Somebody yells out, “Go get ‘em son!”  We all recognize this point in a movie when we know everything is about to work out in the character’s favor.  But the things that are turning points in our life are rarely huge climatic moments like in the movies.  They don’t happen with an awesome soundtrack of compelling music, in the middle of a thunderstorm, or require us to jump on a plane at the last minute.  Now although I do wish my life had a soundtrack, or maybe even a running commentary, it just doesn’t work that way.

Most of the moments I can recall that have caused me to view life differently, change how I think, or even how I act, have been small moments.  To anyone else, they would seem trivial. But to me, they have shaped the path of my life.  Several of those moments have helped me realize something I would like to share with you.  As you read, think of the moments and events that have shaped you, no matter how big or small- something someone said to you that you will never forget, when someone went out of their way to do something for you, when you took notice of something in a different way that has changed how you think about things.  Whatever has impacted you, think about how it has changed your life and how you can let it continue to do so.

Karli is the first person who introduced me to this idea.  I have known Karli since I was in the first grade.  While most of us were working at the pool or on someone’s farm for the summer, Karli left the country.  It started out with a mission trip to Costa Rica our freshman year.  Lots of our classmates thought this was ridiculous. She would have to raise tons of money.  And what difference could Karli, just a girl we’d grown up with, make in someone’s life?  But Karli did it.  She then proceeded to go on more mission trips throughout high school, to Chicago, Peru, Romania, and Ethiopia.  Karli didn’t have to spend her time every summer eating peanut butter and jelly everyday in places with no plumbing.  But she did, because she knew what she would experience those summers was more valuable than what she could get by sleeping in and making trips to the pool.

Another person who lived this idea in my life is Jennie Weltmer.  Jennie was my cross country coach my senior year.  I first met Jennie when she married Simeon, a family friend.  Soon after they were married, Jennie toured in Afghanistan while Simeon was in med school.  Jennie has been through so much in her life.  By no means was she required to serve time in the military.  After what Jennie has been through, anyone would say she has done more than her part.

The last group of people who have inspired me were students and faculty at my high school.  After the disaster in Haiti, several individuals were talking at lunch and decided that they wanted to do something.  These girls approached out FFA and FCCLA advisors with the idea that our school and community hold an event to benefit the Haiti relief effort.  After some brainstorming, they came up with the idea of having a chili feed at one of our basketball games.  This may seem like a non-event.  Meals are held at ball games all the time.  But this one was different.  It wasn’t to raise money for prom or help a club raise their funds.  This was seeing that people needed help, and responding the best way they knew how.  These students created something that involved the entire community.

Each of these individuals has demonstrated what it is to serve in a big way.  We all know that we can help others by trying to brighten their day, helping with concession stands at the ball game, or signing up for an hour time slot with our chapter’s service project.  But we can also help others in big ways.  We can be the one that sees a need and fills it.  It is important to serve in the little ways we can.  But we shouldn’t be afraid of serving in big ways too.  We are all extremely blessed to have the ability and the means to make a huge difference.  We should not let the fact that it is scary to do something big stop us. 

Yes, it might be a big commitment, it might not go as planned, we might miss out on some things we wanted to do.  But the experiences we gain in return will be the most worthwhile memories we ever make.  We should not doubt just how far we can go if we want to make a difference.  It requires us to do something we aren’t quite sure how to, to give up our time, to take a risk.  But that fear we have is actually a good thing.  It proves what we are doing is worth it.

This is just one area of my life I have been inspired in.  We are influenced everyday by the people around us.  They can change our attitude and maybe even change the course of our life.  Not all these people are big parts of my life, but they left an impact on me.  We can have that impact on others too.  Those people that influenced me probably didn’t wake up in the morning with the idea that they were going to change someone’s life that day.  But what they are doing is waking up every morning realizing that life is not a solo flight.  If we invest in others, we can impact them this same way. 

We don’t have a soundtrack of background music to tell us when we are about to experience something that changes our life.  These moments will come from learning from each other and happen everyday.  I have learned from others that serving in big ways is something I am capable of, something we are all capable of.  What have you learned from those moments when something is highlighted for you, when something happens that you continue to think of, years later?  Take what you have noticed and apply it in your life.  It keeps running through your brain for a reason.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

-Margaret Mead

Be Like, You

Be Like, You

Like, who would even wear that?

My mom was like “you’re going.”

It was like the best moment of my life!

It looked like he was having a really bad day.

How many times a day do we saythe word like? We use it as a word to fill in space. We use it as a word to soften the blow. (“It’s almost like he was mad at us.” is a whole lot less scary sounding than “He was definitely mad at us.”) We use the word “like”, like everyday. (See what I did there? J)

But its not just the word we overuse, its also the thought. So often we think, “What does this look like? What does this sound like? What did she think I was like?” We are so concerned about what things seem like. Does this shirt make me look like I’m fat? Does being friends with him make me look like I’m a loser? Does getting a bad grade once make me look like I don’t care? Did the way I just said that make me sound like I’m stupid? You get the picture.

We are always trying to keep up appearances and impress people around us. We want them to see us at our finest. While making a good impression is important, it can also become a vicious cycle. When we start trying to be something we are not, is when the word “like” is a problem. We’ve all seen the romantic comedies where someone turns out to be different than they said they were. Their lies catch up with them, and no one seems to appreciate being lied to. Eventually we will slip up, someone will discover we are only being like something and not the real thing.

When we act like something we aren’t, “like” is all we will ever be. It can be like we have character, like we are putting others first, or like we know what we’re talking about. But we can never have character, put others first, or know what we are talking about if we are only acting. When we act, we are only going to be like something else, not the real thing.

We can decide to stop acting, stop caring what it looks like we are. We can be who we are, an original, not a copy of something else. When we stop worrying about what things are like, and worry about what they really are, life becomes a lot simpler. We don’t have to worry if that decision made us look dumb to other people, if we know the real reason we made the decision.

Being real takes courage. But it has a high reward. When we are real about who we are, we can be reassured everything else in our life is real too- our friends, our goals, and it will lead to real happiness.

Why be like something else when you can be the real you?

Y.O.L.O.

Y.O.L.O.

How many activities do you do that you don’t have to? Go on. Count them up. My guess is its more than just a couple. From a very young age, we are encouraged to get involved. Competitive events, sports, and clubs- we dabble in a lot of different past times. Perhaps it comes from our upbringing, or perhaps from a “have-it-all” mindset. Either way, between school and homework and all of these extras, I sometimes find myself running on empty.

Usually I thrive on being busy. I love feeling like a part of things and helping people. Living the experiences in each new activity can be exhilarating! In high school, it didn’t seem like a big deal- every one was involved in everything. Even though I often felt tired, worn out, and just plain overwhelmed, I convinced myself the experiences I was gaining were worth it. In many ways they were, but a recent wake up call caused me to shift my perspective.

Not long ago, I was home from college for a much needed break. It had been a long week of trying to keep up with classes and manage all my activities. I was so thankful to be home where I would have the chance to catch up on things and finally see my best friends from high school who I hadn’t seen for several months. I showed up at my friends house, excited to spend the afternoon with her. We popped in a movie and talked up a storm. But after awhile, I noticed myself beginning to zone out. I was paying more attention to the movie and let my conversation with my friend trail off. I was mentally exhausted, and before I knew it, I was waking up to the movie’s end credits.

My time with my friends who attend a different college than me is very limited. I am lucky to see them about five times a year. And I fell asleep. I was immediately appalled at myself for wasting such precious hours. My friend deserved much more of myself than I was giving her.

When we stretch ourselves thin, we often become obsessed with completing each and every thing on our calendar and to-do list. We don’t know how to stop adding more and more on. When I do this, I find myself thinking I am taking every opportunity I have, and truly exercising my time to my limits. It’s almost like a star athlete just trying to do one more mile.

But when we try to do so many things, we cannot really accomplish anything. We go from thing to thing, not really present in any moment. What we hold dear to our hearts falls off the board. The things we believe in seem to fade into the background because we are addicted to never, ever slowing down.

We cannot contribute because we are so burnt out. We are “there” physically, but not mentally. We can learn to focus on what is important, areas we can make a difference in, not everything we can possibly cram into a 16+ hour day. Don’t lose sight of who you want to be by overdosing on a busy schedule.

As an activity-a-holic, we get so excited when we have just one good meeting that we feel like we contributed to. The truth is, every activity can be like this if we choose not to “zombify” ourselves. Those brief moments of sunshine can happen every day, several times a day, when we choose what is important to us, instead of just rare moments when the sun breaks through the clouds. Being involved is important and can offer us amazing experiences. But if we do not take time to live those experiences, they are wasted.

Now perhaps it’s because I live under a rock, but the term Y.O.L.O. (pronounced yo-low, not spelled out) is a new one for me. I learned it while visiting the South Barber FFA chapter. It stands for You Only Live Once. This phrase is one I want to live by, truly living each moment, because I only get to live it once.

I want to treasure where I am, when I am there;

be with who I’m with, when I am with them;

and sincerely contribute to what I can,

because I have the passion and mental presence to do so.

You can do anything, but not everything. - David Allen

If I Only Had a Brain

If I Only Had a Brain

“I could wile away the hours

Conferrin' with the flowers

Consultin' with the rain

And my head I'd be scratchin'

While my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I only had a brain.”

We are experts at figuring out how much better things would be “if only.” I can’t count the number of times I’ve made the excuse that I didn’t have what I needed. Whether it was the right program on my computer, the people skills to make new friends, the resources to write a paper, or enough money to buy the super cool thing calling my name at Walmart.

When there is always something new to set our sights on and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, it is difficult to realize the difference between “need” and “want.” There are many things I want.

-A three door, navy blue pick-em-up-truck.

-A bloodhound puppy named Copper.

-A printer that doesn’t think pink is the new black.

-A new pair of square toe boots, preferably in red.

-And a shopping spree at Barnes & Noble, just to name a few.

Did you get all that Mom? (only joking!) We all have a few things on our mind that would definitely make life easier, or we would just be excited to have. That list of materialistic “wants” is very different from the list of things I need. In fact, when I think about it, I already have more than I need.

-A support team of family and friends who are always there for me.

-A roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and clothes in my closet.

-A dream for my future.

-Gas in my car and food in my fridge.

-Goals to spend my time working towards.

What else is there? At times, when I think of all I don’t have, that second list can seem trivial. In truth, those items are the most important of all. Without them, I would have much bigger problems on my hands. So often we think of what we don’t have, when really, if we just look around us, we would see those aren’t the things that make us happy at all. If I really need a new pair of square toe boots just to make me happy, I am a very uncreative person. If I can only get a job done by having some fancy program on my computer, I am a very ineffective person. There are other ways, if only I use my brain and take the time to find them.

We can choose to focus on the things we do have. By learning to do what we can with what we have, we can see how lucky we really are. We all know the story of the Wizard of Oz (and non-Kansans never let us forget it!) The unlikely friends set off on a journey to find a brain, a heart, courage, and a home. But once they get to the place they think all their dreams will come true, they realize they had what they wanted all along- if only they had known how to look.

Happiness doesn’t come from a store. It comes from realizing the only one who can control our happiness is the one we see when we look in the mirror.

It’s not about getting what we want. It’s about wanting what we’ve got.

What's the Difference?

What’s the Difference?

The easy things in life are usually our favorite: that class that just comes to us without effort, those friends we can just be ourselves around, the questions on a test we answer first. It seems there are so many things in life that require so much effort. So when we find the things that are simple, we often turn to them first and make excuses why we can’t possibly do the rest today.

When I was in kindergarten, my parents helped teach a teenage youth group. I got to tag along and loved being around the much cooler and much wiser big kids. A memory from their conversations always sticks out in my mind. They were joking about the three answers that could answer any question about church- Jesus, God, and the Bible. Let me give you an example.

What was the story in the sermon about today? - Jesus.

Where was the story from? - The Bible.

What did Jesus do in the story? - Talked about God.

What about God?- That He sent Jesus.

Why did He send Jesus? - Se we would know God.

How do we know God? - Read the Bible.

See what I mean?

These answers are easy. They require no thought, no work. Many times I find myself trying to slide by with these easy answers and “good enough.” A quote that continually pops up in my life is “Two roads diverged in the woods and I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference.” I have not always taken the road less traveled. Many instances have come when I went along with the crowd and shouldn’t have, when I took the easy way out.

At the end of my freshman year I was elected as chapter sentinel. FFA was still pretty new to me and the other officers on the team all seemed so much older. They all seemed like they knew what they were doing. I wasn’t sure what I could contribute to the team. I felt that my ideas would be stupid compared to theirs and that there was no way I could possibly do anything for my chapter. I let the year slide by and was quiet as a mouse at officer meetings. I took the easy way out that year. I let my fear of my ideas being rejected and feeling stupid overcome my responsibility to help lead my FFA chapter that year.

Another time I took the easy way out was much longer lasting. My freshman year, I got involved in livestock judging. I loved it! I had very limited interaction with livestock before, and was fascinated to discover that not all cows were the same. I continued to livestock judge all through high school, and dreamed of one day being as good as “the boys.” “The boys” happened to be the star livestock judgers at Smith Center. As much as I aspired to be as good as them one day, it never happened. I worked at my judging skills, but only half heartedly, always intimidated by their superior knowledge. I took the easy way out by creating excuses for myself. They had been around livestock their entire life. They showed at all the county fairs. They knew who all the judges were. I could never compete with that, I told myself. Instead of practicing harder, I took the easy way out. “The boys” went on to win the state contest and compete at nationals.

Doing what is easy and doing what is right are sometimes on opposite ends of the board. And often the consequences are much more drastic than not doing as well as we would have liked. Sometimes we end up with regret, sad circumstances, and hurt- for us and those we love. As we make decisions, it is important to think about why we are making them. Is it because our friends made that decision? Is it because we are tired and don’t want to think about it anymore? Is it because we think no one else will care?

Don’t be satisfied with excuses and “good enough.”

Are you being the best friend you can be?

Is that F on your report card really somebody else’s fault?

Are you really too busy to help do some grunt work for your chapter?

Is leading on that girl or boy really “being nice?”

Are you really applying all your strengths to the best of your ability?

Is this an honorable decision you will be proud to have made?

Expect honesty from yourself. Sometimes the lies we tell ourselves are the most hurtful of all.

Two roads diverged in the woods.

I took the one less traveled and that has

made all the difference.

Don’t let yourself be sucked into the norms of today’s society, where politicians can have affairs, celebrities can embezzle money, and we can always find an excuse. Let’s take the road less traveled- Let’s expect more of ourselves and never be satisfied with what is easy.

The path we choose with every decision

is what makes all the difference.